Supporting an Aging Parent Despite a Strained Relationship

Caring for an aging parent can be challenging when past conflicts and a rocky history have created emotional hurdles. Despite the strained relationship, you may need to assume a primary caregiving role—out of duty, love, or simply necessity.

How do you manage these additional responsibilities in a tough family situation?

You’ll need to strike a delicate balance of compassion and self-preservation, allowing you to provide support while protecting your own emotional well-being. Understanding your limits, seeking external in-home care support, and redefining your role in a sustainable way can help make this complex process more manageable.

Tips for Balancing Compassion, Boundaries, and Senior Care Responsibilities

How to manage your time and relationship with an aging parent is your choice. Mending a strained relationship takes hard work on both sides.

Here are a few strategies that may help.

Communication Is Critical

The first step is to talk about the areas of support your aging parent will need. Your loved one may recognize the need for help but may resent you overriding their independence. Show your senior your involvement comes from a place of love and concern rather than obligation.

While it is important to stay informed, avoid constant quizzing about your parent’s day-to-day activities. If every conversation feels condescending or like you’re prying, they may become more resistant to cooperating.

Instead, allow your loved one to feel in charge of their own life. Sprinkle in questions about everyday decisions and treat your parent like an adult. What do you want for dinner? What would you like to do today? Do you have a favorite snack I can pick up for you? Giving your loved one a say in everyday life choices can help to build trust.

If you feel the relationship is just too difficult to continue as a caregiver, talk with your senior about other possibilities for aging in place. In-home caregiving services can help your senior stay active and engaged with a trusted caregiver and give you peace of mind that your loved one is well cared for.

Strategies for Connecting

Repairing a fragile relationship involves more than just words. Consider some of these strategies to help connect with your loved one:

• Reminisce about the past and share favorite memories
• Remember and honor special days together, such as birthdays and anniversaries
• Show appreciation with handwritten notes or special dinners
• Ask your senior for advice—they have a lifetime of wisdom to share
• Spend time together doing a favorite activity
• Display pictures of family and friends and talk about those relationships
• Be present when you’re together by putting away your phone or turning off the TV
• Be kind, even when it’s hard

It’s equally important to take time for self-care. Letting your own health slide will result in you having less energy for your own life and less patience with people you care for.

Consider Getting Help

Seeking outside help—whether through local agencies, support groups, or professional mediators—can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical solutions to navigate this challenging journey. Here are some options:

• Area Agency on Aging
  Look into your local Area Agency on Aging for federal, state, and local caregiving resources. Based on your zip code, the Eldercare Locator puts you in touch with an AAA office and other community-based resources near you.

• Caregiver Support Groups
  Strained relationships between caregivers and aging parents are more common than you may think. Consider finding a family caregiver support group or a friends you can talk to about your caregiving journey. If your loved one is a Veteran, most Veterans Affairs facilities offer a caregiver support program.

• Mediator
  Siblings or other family members may resent that you are “taking over” the care and decision making for your loved one. Consider working with a mediator who can offer expert advice while negotiating challenging family dynamics.

In-Home Care Support for Your Caregiving Situation

Visiting Angels has worked with families through all types of relationships. Some adult children are very hands-on despite a challenging past, while others defer senior caregiving to family members or in-home professional caregivers who offer personal care services. Many families choose a combination approach, bringing in respite care and companion care services based on their needs.

Visiting Angels home care services are available for any situation, from respite to 24/7 care. We can help you navigate the paperwork or financial considerations necessary to help you care for your senior parent, even in challenging family situations.

Contact a home care office near you to explore your options.